captured

wow, i have been mia for the past couple of weeks. and because i'm sure you've been checking daily, anxiously awaiting my next post...i apologize.

the past couple of weeks have been a crazy couple of weeks that can be summed up with one word: midterms. but thank goodness it is spring break, which has been a sweet time of relaxing, laughing, and getting a little sun with friends at the beach, enjoying the beautiful weather in raleigh with my family, and spending encouraging time with friends i don't get to see too often.

i have been reading ann voskamp's book, one thousand gifts, and it has convicted me to live a life of gratitude, finding joy in every moment. one thing i am thankful for is the chance to capture a moment that will never occur again. i am going to share some of my favorite moments i have had the opportunity to capture over the past few weeks...

more pics with syd at the consignment shop :)

tate street coffee shop with friends

 

                                             hamp's basketball game 

one of my precious young life girls, erika

we had fun with this awesome vw van

spring break in wilmington!

me with two of my sweet friends, jenn and savannah

mint chocolate chip

this is just a little preview of the wonderful time i spent with syd this afternoon at an antique shop in burlington (we spent most of the time being afraid of the owner...we're wimps).

we wanted mint chocolate chip ice cream today. but, smitty's didn't have it so strawberry worked, too :)

more to come soon...right after i finish my homework...

minutes wasted.

this week has flown by. as has every week of 2011. i want time to stand still so i can enjoy it all. but i know that can't happen. so i'm left with the enjoying it all part. even when hours seem to be minutes and minutes are seconds.

"a pail with a pinhole loses as much as the pail pushed right over. a whole life can be lost in minutes wasted, small moments missed." 

-ann voskamp 

(www.aholyexperience.com)

those small moments are the ones i'm missing. they're the ones i'm too busy for. at the beginning of this week i was talking to my sweet friend Blair about intentionally planning out our week so when people ask what we did this week we would have an answer for them. it's not that i don't do anything during my week, it's that i do so much it all blurs together. if the small moments throughout everyday are where we find the most life and joy then my days and weeks shouldn't be a blur. 

sometimes i think i have it figured out. how to balance my quiet time with young life, and friends and family with schoolwork. and then sometimes i don't. 

and in those times i feel so overwhelmed. so trampled. so burdened by the things that brought me joy.

i have come to realize that i can't gain control of my present life or my future. but i desperately try to hold on. all that has brought me is anxiety and worry. so i'm going to let go of it and focus on the small moments of joy throughout my day. i don't doubt that they are there, i'm just getting in the way of seeing and feeling them. 

that love that you never knew

no sacrifice too great

i always itch to write a blog post. it's kind of weird when i think about it...never thought i'd love blogging that much. but something i am very cautious about is not writing a post just to write. it's like teachers talking just to hear themselves talk, and y'all know that's zero fun. so i can promise you anything that is posted is intentional and it is something that has been on my heart.


the past week and a half i have wanted to post but i haven't had anything to say. because honestly the past week and a half have been rough. i want to write when i'm inspired and i haven't had that inspiration. i've had amazing conversations, laughed, and spent time with some great friends, but i felt like i was in a funk.


well, in the past 24 hours God broke through the numbness i seemed to be living in. broke through actually doesn't describe it accurately. He took a wrecking ball and smashed it to pieces.


community is something i pray for all the time. and through young life the Lord has blessed me with an amazing community of believers who love and take of me so, so well. the past week and a half i have been a little selfish, i'll admit. phase one destroying my numbness- Jesus Calling (one of the best devotional books i have ever read) said it best yesterday: be on guard against the pit of self-pity. when you are weary or unwell, this demonic trap is the greatest danger you face. i realized last night that i was in a pit of self-pity because i didn't feel my community. i knew it was there, but i couldn't see it or feel it. and i didn't want to bother anyone by seeking it out.


tonight was the alamance county young life banquet. in preparation for the banquet two of my best friends, crystie and jenn, had been working hours upon hours to video tape high schoolers and leaders at games, in the lunchrooms, hanging out, getting ice cream, among many other things. they both sacrificed a lot in making this video absolutely amazing. yesterday, for a reason we do not completely know, the video was totally lost. the whole thing deleted. 4 hours of footage gone. i cried for them when i saw the text message.


jenn and crystie decided to do two weeks worth of work in 4 short hours yesterday. they reinterviewed college life people, they went to basketball games, and met me and a couple of girls at yozone. they edited. they finished it. phase two- the Lord reminded me of what an amazing community He has given me through the process of taping a video. but i didn't understand this quite yet.


this morning i got to my photography class and logged onto my email before class started. i had a message from crystie. i didn't understand until reading this email how the Lord used a video, a simple (yet amazing) VIDEO to remind us of the beautiful community He has placed us in.


crystie wrote about how the two of them were trying to talk through why the Lord would allow this to happen... "then Jenn says i think that it happened so that we could see the people running to help us get the footage and the encouragement we got from our community around us.  I just sat there jaw to floor like YES!!!!" (go check out crystie's blog, http://www.crystiescorner.blogspot.com. it's awesome.) 


tonight i saw the video. it was beautiful and i saw jesus not only on the screen, but in the people who made the video. 


 it was a video. something so incredibly insignificant to our life. but Jesus made it significant.


phase three- jenn shared her faith story with 500 people. her parents were there. high schoolers were there. college kids were there. people three times as old as her were there. people who don't know jesus were there. and she stood up on stage and allowed jesus to speak through her. she totally and completely surrendered to Him and was obedient to His call. i like to picture jesus sitting beside one of the freshmen girls on the floor in front of the stage, tears streaming down His face saying, "that's my girl. i have called her, and she is Mine." 


i have had the amazing blessing to see how jesus has embraced jenn and never let go of her. she is living a life that imitates Christ. she is living a life in relationship with the greatest lover of the universe. a life that i hope every high school girl will one day live.


after she stood and gave one of the best talks i have ever heard she said to me, "kait, it's totally worth it. no sacrifice is too great. nothing is more important than this." she didn't just say it to me, she said it with urgency. she said it as if her life depended on it. and it does. 


y'all, there is urgency when we follow jesus. there is urgency in our call. it isn't an aspect of our life, it IS our life. no sacrifice is too great because no love is greater than this. 

me with four of my precious freshmen girls at banquet tonight :) (ellie, caroline, bailey, and kimrey)

how sweet it is to be loved by you

i have always loved valentines day. and i rarely actually have a valentine. i just can't understand why people are so bitter about a day that is about love. perfect love casts out all fear, so what's the problem with a day about beautiful, perfect, fearless love?


i love homemade, glittery cards, an excuse to wear pink (which is not my color) and eating heart shaped cupcakes. while cheesy at times, i think that valentines day is precious. it's a sweet day to celebrate love, something that actually is celebrated every day. it only because of love that we have life.


today i had the chance to photograph my beautiful sister, sydney, and my sweet best friend, rachael. i need to do some editing, but some of these photos make me so happy that i just can't wait! and you'll be so glad that i didn't :)

i was talking to my sister, sydney, and our friend catherine this weekend about how sweet love letters are. and it reminded me of the most beautiful one i have ever received. and i want to share it with y'all because, well, it was written for YOU, too :)


My Dearest Daughter,

I see your loneliness and fear. I know your heart and heartaches. In a special bottle, I am storing each and every one of your tears. I see you searching for love, for happiness, for fulfillment. As much as I hate to see your pain, as much as it grieves me to see you struggle, all this must be in order for you to totally and completely come to the end of your own understanding - only then can you fully hear My voice. Listen very carefully. Amidst the noise of the world, I’m calling. My voice is in the midst of your worst fears tenderly beseeching you to trust Me, in the pain of your loneliness. If you hold real still, you can feel My arms encircling you and hear My soothing words of comfort. Yes, that still small voice within you is Mine. Yes, that gentle touch is Me. Give Me your pain, yes, all of it, and I will give you My peace. Give Me your sorrow and I will you joy unspeakable.

I cherish you, Daughter. I shed my blood so that you could be clean. I want you for My companion, My bride, to love and cherish now and throughout eternity and I plan to dress you in the most beautiful of white garments. As you live out the joy, and experience the wonder of being My bride, I will be your gentle tutor, conforming you to My image. I must begin by teaching you how to serve and live in submission to Me. Let Me convince you of your great value so that you may be able to fully share the love I have given you with the one you someday bring to Me as your earthly husband. Then, and only then, will you be the kind of wife I would choose for him. Give yourself completely to Me. I want you to deny Me nothing. I will not hurt you. I will not disappoint you. You can trust Me completely. I keep My promises. Do not be overly critical of yourself or become depressed because you are not perfect in your own eyes. It saddens Me greatly to hear you criticize and devalue the one I love so much. Daughter, in Me, you are complete and lacking in nothing. What right do you have to criticize the one I treasure? On what grounds do you find fault with what I have so fearfully and wonderfully made? Why do you call what I deem “beautiful” ugly? Why do you believe that the one I love enough to die for is not good enough? Daughter, I want you to know who you are in Me. I mean who you are in Me - completely loved and totally forgiven. I want you trust Me one step, one day, one second at a time. Dwell in My power and My love, and be all that you are in Me, in My strength, and in My power. Do not fear what might happen or what the future might bring because My grace is sufficient and I will take care of you.

Daughter, I know that you long to give yourself to someone, to have a deep relationship with him and to be loved thoroughly and exclusively by him. But I must say no. Not until My love is enough. Not until you can see yourself truly complete in Me. I love you, My child. Until you discover that your joy and satisfaction can be found in Me alone, you will not be capable of handling the problems and disappointments that are part of every relationship. You can never be truly united with another in the way your heart desires, only I can fill that emptiness, only I can supply that need, only I can love you enough. You must be united with Me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings before you will have the strength to endure the many heartaches, and yes, even soul aches, of even a seemingly perfect human relationship. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you My faithfulness, My gentleness, and My self-control. Then, you will need no other. Daughter, I want you to allow me to be enough.

You must keep your eyes on Me, expecting the greatest and best things from Me. Keep experiencing the satisfaction of knowing that I AM, and you are my child. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. Stay close by My side. Seek My face in the morning, My presence throughout the day, and My comfort at night. I am always there for you, Daughter. I will never leave you or forsake you. But, you must wait. Don’t be anxious, do not get in a hurry. Don’t look around and fear or envy the things others have received from Me. You must keep looking off or away. Look up to Me or you’ll miss the things I want to show you, and then when you are ready, I’ll give you the desires I have put into your heart, the strength to endure all things, and the courage to risk your heart.

You see, until you are ready and the one I have for you is ready, (I am working even this minute to have you both ready at the same time) until you are both living to, (which you will; however, imperfectly) reflect your relationship in Me. First give Me time to heal your wounds, console your heartaches, and ease your disappointments. Find Me time to erase the painful memories of the past. Give Me time to heal you and make you whole and complete in Me.
I want you to experience the real “agape” love - not the selfish, false love of the world. I want you to learn love that is patient and always kind. Love that knows no envy and is never boastful or proud. Love that is never rude or self-seeking. Love that is not easily angered or keeps a record of wrong. Love that does delight in evil, but rejoices in truth. The love I want you, Daughter, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves, never fails. Because this love is of the Spirit and not of the flesh, its natural fruit is joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I cannot give this love to you in or even through another, except dimly, and then only in a limited capacity, for all will fail and eventually disappoint you. This perfect love, Daughter, can only be found in Me.

Let My perfect love flow from you and spill over to all you touch. Be not concerned with yourself - you are My responsibility. I will change you often without you even knowing it. Take your eyes off yourself, look only to Me. I lead, I change, I create, but only when you are not striving. You are Mine; let Me have the joy of making you into My image - only I can do this. Above all else, look to Me and Me only, never to yourself and never to others. Do not struggle. Relax and trust My love. I know what’s best and will do it in and through you if you’ll let Me. Stop trying to become, and let Me transform you from within. I love you, Daughter. Will you let My love be enough for you? I’m waiting. Will you wait too?


Love, Jesus